DO NOT let Deidara cook supper
by Akatsuki.desert.bird
Summary: A story about Deidara's fist try at cooking Pasta. Rated M for Hidan's mouth.


Deidara sat in front of the stove, staring down at the box of pasta leader had told him to prepare. However, leader had also strictly told him, "DO NOT BLOW UP THE FOOD, OR BLOW UP ANYONE ELSE'S." A trickle of sweat dripped down Deidara's forehead as he read the instructions carefully.

"Bring 4-6 quarts of water to a rolling boil, un. Simple enough." The stone nin grabbed any old pan and poured as much water into the pan as possible, then placed it on the stove. He waited, watching the heating water for almost two minutes, then got board as he watched the water sit. He decided he could heat it alot faster if there was an explotion to heat it, but Sasori caught the boy in time before the kitchen was turned into a pile of ash.

"You idiot, you have to wait, not exactly watch it. Just...go find something interesting to do while it begins to boil."

"Oi, un." said Deidara, still holding the clay. He ran upstairs into the Uchiha's room, and placed the clay in the mad man's socks, then hid in the bathroom, where he found Kisame scooba diving in the bathtub.

"Is dinner ready yet?" the shark asked, coming up, revealing a face mask and red swimming trunks.

"Uh..no, un." said Deidara, remembering his task. He ran down the stairs to find his overfilled pot overflowing. He grabbed the handle and poured some out. Then he reached for the box once more, and read the second pair of instructions. "Add contents of package into boiling water. Stir gently, un." He did a 'pishaw' wave and opened the box of pasta. He poured out the pasta sticks into his hands, which began to knaw at them. "Stoppit, un! Wait until it's done!" He tried to break the noodles in half, then reolized it was harder then it looked. He tried again, failing once more. "Wanna play rough, un?" Deidara grabbed a second empty pan, placed the invinsible noodles inside, the placed in a clay bird he maraculously made out of nowhere. He made a hand sign, and there was a large explosion that could be heard from Konoha and beyond. When he opened his eyes, pasta had flown everywhere, and a pissed off Hidan had dropped his scythe into his own heart.

"THAT BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN MY FUCKING DINNER, BLONDIE, OR I'M GONNA FUCKING SACRIFICE YOUR FUCKING SORRY ASS TO JASHIN!!"

"It wasn't, un!" yelled Deidara back up, sweat-dropping. He picked up the bits of noodles and placed them into the boiling pot. "I don't feel like making sauce, un, so they'll have to deal with butter." he crossed his arms, and again got bored. (At times like this, you wonder how big Deidara's attention span is.) Instead of blowing up Itachi'ssocks, he decided to paint Sasori's puppets to show him how art was meant to be. That's when he heard the smoke alarm go off, and ran to his food. "Done, un!" (omfg, it rhymes!)

The satisfied blond grabbed 8 plates (Tobi wasn't here, plus Sasori doesn't eat) and prepared a sloppy job scooping out his spaghetti noodles. He places his newly prepared meal around the table, then rang the dinner bell. "Suppers served,un!" Slowly, one by one, each Akatsuki member approached the meal set on the table. When everyone (except Sasori of course) had taken a seat, they blankly stared down at the food. "I didn't bomb it, un." he said, already eating the noodles.

Then a loud coughing came from Hidan, who spit up hair. "What the fuck did you do, drop it on the fucking floor?" he coughed.

"Well...un." replied Deidara, gazing down at his own meal. Everyone in the room decided to share a bag of popcorn and lemonade, and Pein added to his rule list: NEVER EVER allow Deidara to cook again.

--

Anyways, later that same day, Hidan was rushed to the hospital(though he is immortal) Itachi's socks blew up and Deidara had a laughing moment where he couldn't breath for like, hours (I bet you have too) And Deidara got scolded by a very frustrated Sasori who realizedhis puppets were now pink instead of dull colors. Pein does have a list that I will eventually hang up. Hope you enjoyed! Please review!


End file.
